Wednesday, November 22, 2006

9. The Milwaukee Brewers risky backseat business story

Occured: June 2005
Written: Nov 2006

So my buddy Lunchbox and I decided to go up to a Milwaukee Brewers game. Along with us tags Lunchbox's boss "Nastynate" who is around 23-24 years old at the time.

Lunchbox also invites 1 girl "Caody" and she brings along one of her goodfriends. "Caodyfriend"

So Lunchbox comes and picks me up with Caody, Caodyfriend and Nastynate.

because none of us were 21 at the time we got Nastynate to buy us booze. we get a 18 case of beer along with some watermelon vodka with lemonade for the ladies. We start drinking with almost an hour car ride ahead of us.

apprently Caody and her friend are lighweights and are showing signs of drunkeness. I think i put too much faith into people's drinking abilities.

So i end up drinking the rest the their drinks. We park the car at miller stadium and start tailgating. we fisnish the beers and head in.

The girls are already blacked out, they don't even remember walking in the stadium.

The game begins and we sit down cheering on the brewers, Nastynate orders me a beer. the girls are blacked out and me and nastynate are starting to get drunk.

The Brewers hit a homerun and everyone starts cheering. All of a sudden Caody and her friend start making out (i guess celebrating the homerun). Then i totally start making out with both of them. A guy cheers us on.

After that fiasco be and nastynate head to find the bathroom. we are waitign in line and im pissing in a urinal, nastynate pissing in the urinal next to me and some random guy in a pink shirt and a cubs hat pissing next to nate.

nastynate turns to the guy in the pink shirt says "fag" and goes bag to peeing. after we are done pissing the dude gets up in his face

[Pinkshirt dude]: What did u you say?
[NastyNate]: i called you a fag, what kind of dude wears a pink shirt and a cubs hat to a brewers game, a fag that's who.
[Pinkshirt dude]: ya well the brewers suck.

Bad move on Pinkshirt Dude's part. The whole bathroom erupts into a near riot state after his comment. One guy throws a punch at Pinkshirt Dude. Pinkshirt dude's friends drag him out of the chaos.

Afterwards me and Nastynate go into the bar. I just walked in and sat down at the bar and ordered a drink with nastynate. After 3 or 4 long islands i'm feeling pretty good. Nastynate is feeling good too. We decide to find Pinkshirt dude.

We fail at finding him so we walk back to our seats. Lunchbox was waiting for us saying the game was over the Brewers were getting stomped. We go back out to the car to tailgate again.

Caody and Caodyfriend are walking are the parking lot showing random guys their boobs to score some beer.

On the way home Nastynate is in the passenger seat with Lunchbox driving. im the back seat with the 2 girls.

again i start making out with the 2 girls in the back seat. all the way home. Caodyfriend decides to give me a handjob in the backseat of Lunchboxes car.

The Next morning i woke up with a hangover and people pissed. including Caody's ex b/f. not to mention Lunchbox who mandated the new rule "you can't get any in my car until i get any."

Postscript: Caody and me aren't allowed to go to brewer's games anymore. Lunchbox wasn't happy with me for about 2 hours, then of course he let it slide cause we are bestfriends like that. besides that there isn't much to elaborate about this memory.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

8. The Ring of Piss Story

Occured: Jan 2005
Written: Nov 2006

So it is J-term at my school, which basicaly means drunken haze.

I mean think about it we only have one class a day, and everyone comes back in Jan with x-mas money. so basically its one big blur

So we start the day (around 3:00pm) drinking in Smokey's room. eventually Lunchbox shows up along with "BubblyBabe", "Buttox" and "G-String"

Smokey's Room eventually become a party with more people showing up.

around 9pm i start to get a little belegerent, and by little i mean a lot. So i was talking to a girl "shortshit" at the time. she was drunk and decided to play games and kissed Smokey. Being the dumb freshmen i was i let it get to me and told her to fuck off. (if i really said fuck off that would be nice, apparently i said a lot more)

on top of that i decided to tell every single girl to fuck off. im such a nice guy.

so we head off to a frat house (the girls being in a different car so my drunken self doesn't notice)

Once we are there i decide to take shots along with a shitload of beer.

according to lunchbox i bumped shoulders with someone and decided to punch their face in. the owners of the house decided to kick him out instead of me (cause im cool with them)

shortshit tries to take my beer from me. bad move, i let it rip on her, calling her various things, some which include a sandy cunt, a bitch, and other various nice words like cuntsucking whorebag.

I do god knows what ( i think i went outside to smoke a joint or a cig, kinda hazy)

i come back to lunchbox cuddling with shortshit. i don't care at this point. apparently i drove her to drink cause im a douche. She says she's going to puke so lunchbox grabs a fraternity 30th anniversery beer pitcher and she pukes into that. The owner of the house sees this and states that better the beer pitcher then the furniture.

The rest of the story is only what i heard from lunchbox. i completely blacked this part out but since he is one of my best friends i trust him not to bullshit.

apparently according to testamony, lunchbox decided to have a smoke. i walked out said heyyy to him and dropped my pants down to my ankles and started to piss.

About mid piss i fall flat on my face in the snow passed the fuck out still pissing.

Lunchbox is a true friend. he let me piss all over myself and when i was done he pulled up my pants, slung me over his shoulders, and gathered the crew and carried me over to the car

when comming back to CC he carried me up 4 flights of stairs and put me in my bed. he escorted shortshit back to her dorm. comes back to mine to find me drinking more alcohol..

he is pissed and leaves and spends the night in shortshit's room.

needless to say, i woke up with a nice hangover and a good amount of people pissed off at me...

Postscript: Lunchbox and shortshit got "involved" from that point on. he even baked her a fucking cheese cake after knowing her for like 3 days. I was pissed because i was his best friend for as long as i remember and he never baked me a god damn cheese cake.

BTW lunchbox when i hope u read this : Bake me a fucking cheesecake.