3. The Marquette Golden Shower Story

Occurred: September 2006
Written: October 2006

Okay, so i will admit this year for parties is really kind of dry. So obviously this means i have to be explore to find more parties.

One of my friends "2drinksdrunk" suggests that i meet her up at Marquette. This seems like a good plan to me and its a chance for me to party in a place unfamiliar, which i like to do.

Immediatly i see that this could be a possible escapade i call up my two buddies "Rainman" and "Goldenboy." since none of them had prior plans they both are promtly in. i remember the phone convo with Goldenboy

[Me]: Hey dude whats up what are you up to tonight?
[Goldenboy]: Not much really, i have to work in the morning
[Me]: Wanna go to Marquette and party?
[Goldenboy]: Well, Ok.

So its around 10pm and both arrive to good ol CC. Goldenboy decides the best choice for him to drive due to work in the morning so we head up to Marquette.

Its pretty jumping once we get there, it takes forever to find a place to park. In my book thats a definate good thing. we eventually find a place to park and i call up 2drinksdrunk to see where in the hell she is amoung the madness.

We meet up with her on the corner of Kilborne and 16th street. Keep in mind we made the mistake of not pre-gaming so we are dead sober. 2drinksdrunk is already drunk and on the corner with some dude. When she gets drunk she gets mean.

[Me]: Hey how are the parties any of them good?
[2drinksdrunk]: Go Away
[Me]: okay bye

I mean don't get me wrong, 2drinksdrunk is a very nice and sweet person. Just not when she's drunk.

Oh well, So me Goldenboy and Rainman hit up the parties. The first party we go to is pretty crowded. We get in and we go down into the basement. Good god, it was like fuckin 200 degrees in there. I was able to get a beer, but then the keg went dry. How fuckin lame is that?

Our spirits weren't crushed, and i split my lukewarm shitty beer with Goldenboy and Rainman. and we searched for another party (there were like 20 parties going on)

The next party is a pretty good. Its an apartment party and its packed. but they still have an entire keg in. Me and Rainman do what we do best; stand by the keg and drink as much as we can.

yes, needless to say the keg went dry and probably 88.8% was probably because of me and Rainman.

The hosts of the party were great, as soon as the keg went dry they immediatly switched to serving hard alcohol. great hosts, most parties end when the keg(s) run out, but they were determined to keep it going.

i buy 3 shots of grey goose or as i like to refer to it as "the nectar of the gods"

Me, Goldenboy, and Rainman all take a shot

i buy another round of shots this time yager. all 3 of us promtly take them.

Me and Rainman decide it would be funny of we got Goldenboy fucking wasted, aren't we great friends?

i pay $2 for a solo cup filled half grey goose, half pucker, a nice combo in my book especially if the drink isn't for me.

As the night goes on me and Rainman promtly see that Goldenboy is failing as time passes. We find this highly amusing. I promtly buy Goldenboy another shot of goose so i quickly spring in to action

[Me]: (to a cute girl) hey wanna shot?
[Cutegirl]: yes ill take one
[Me]: aight ill give you one but you have to tell Goldenboy he's a pussy for not taking the shot i just bought him, its his first shot of the night and he chickend out
[Cutegirl]: haha okay.

Soon enough Goldenboy takes that shot like a bouncer at a bar and then Rainman pours another shot of goose into the vicious mix of pucker and goose that Goldenboy has been working on for like 2-3 hours.

So the time comes to leave. i know Goldenboy is going to vomit, its just a matter of time. so i ask the hosts for a plastic bag, or a few. they promtly find some and we head back to the car.

Goldenboy can't even walk straight, he's also talking at a very high level to random people. He knocks on a door shouting that there is a party, when there isn't.

We get to Goldenboy's car and me and Rainman look at each other. We are all pretty drunk, and we don't know which one of us should drive back to CC and Goldenboy is not an option.

I decide to drive. and its Rainman in the passenger seat and Goldenboy behind Rainman in the back seats. Goldenboy is puking out his intestines.

Goldenboy fills up an entire bag that we have to switch to the other one. he grabs the other bag and exclaims

[Goldenboy]: Thhere is a hoole inn diz one.
[Rainman]: here let me see (ties the bottom in a knot) see all fixed.

Rainman has to piss, so i hand him an empty gatorade bottle. He pees in it and tries to get Goldenboy to drink it saying it will make him feel better. I laugh.

about 30mins later Rainman has to pee again. and opens up the window. He starts peeing out the window, but the piss doesn't go out the window, it flies back in all over Goldenboy who its puking in the backseat. I laugh again, but the piss also smears up the back window if Goldenboy's car. so i can't see out the rear-view. Goldenboy got a golden shower from rainman.

We get back to CC and Goldenboy is puking in the parking lot. Security drives by and asks if he is okay. I tell him ya, he was just a dumbass and drank too much, the security guard laughs and says he's gotta learn sometime.

Goldenboy pukes for another 3 hours and finally passes out. i still don't know if he made it to work that morning. i doubt he's ever going to drink with me and Rainman again.

Postscript:

Goldenboy calls up Rainman being very pissed off about the piss all over his car, and in his backseat. Rainman tells me while Goldenboy was getting pissed on he just thought it was raining.