Sunday, October 21, 2007

15. Southern Comfort

Occured: October 2007
Written: October 2007

Eventually you run out of shit to do in your own town.

Lunchbox calls me up with a nice little offer. He suggests that i take a trip down to Louisville. Why?

He's throwing a big Halloween party and wants me to bring the crew down.

Me being the academically driven student i am decided to go down to Louisville for the weekend. I called the crew and to them it seemed like a swell idea.

Eventually when the day comes Zamboni and Firecrotch can't go. Oh well i guess i seems like a good choice for them especially if your into "responsibility" kinda of things.

DAY 1:

So the triad of Me, Rainman, and KingDong. decide to go to louisville. The ride there was quite boring

until the barrage of drunken phone calls happen. A girl....we'll refer to her as "Skittle" was at a semi formal at her school and decides to give me roughly around 5 drunken phone calls every hour. Some good Convo's

[me]: hello?
[skittle]: hey im really wasted right now haha. me and my soroity sister are wondering whether or not our dates are more into us...or more into each other.

[me]: hello
[skittle]: hey im wasted!
[me]: that's awsome
[skittle]: you should turn around and come to texas
[me]: we are 2 hours from louisville, that wouldn't be possible
[skittle] but seriously, there are a lot of horny girls looking for some play tonight come on think about it

[me]: hello?
[skittle]: hey angel, angel, angel, lust. when are you coming to visit me in texas?
[me]: What are you saying?
[skittle] i have a preminition, i think i am going to die young
[me]: a pre-m what?
[skittle]: oh by the way, you should see me tonight i look hot, u'd be impressed, but i'll call you later im on a quest to get laid tonight. seriously though, you should come to texas.

We eventually make it to our destination. we just throw our bags in lunchbox's apartment and head out to the bars.

we go to a bar called Willy's and the scene there is pretty cool. I order a miller lite and it does taste worse the farther you are from not gonna lie.

In this bar there is a section of glass flooring, why? because there is an alligator pit below so i am drunk, standing above a live alligator.

KingDong is drunk hitting on Lunchbox's girl so that's always interesting to watch. its the end of the night (as in 4am barclose) and KingDong decides to throw in the knockout punch, he orders 2 shots of tequila to him and Lunchbox's girl. This not only cancel's him out, but the girl as well.

KingDong accuses Lunchbox of cockblocking.

The girl decides to passout in lunchbox's car. lunchbox carries her up 4 flights of stairs. she falls face first onto the floor. Me and Rainman laugh at this while Lunchbox helps get the girl to bed.

We stay up and play beerpong. i pass out and rainman passes out outside.

DAY 2:

We wake up around 11am, Lunchbox decides to show us around town. Louisville is a very nice town i might move there someday.

we go to the mall to get KingDong a costume... Lunchbox see a pair of fake breasts...

We all decide KingDong will go as...Firecrotch in wet tee-shirt contest for Halloween.

KingDong decides to buy a pair of Victoria Secret Pink Collection Shorts. this costume got a lil out of control.

The party starts and i decide tequila is great for pre-game. like 8 shots. yay. eventually i finish the entire bottle. yay. so its ur basic college party but ill elaborate on the highlights...

[Girl]: hey your not from around here are you?
[Me]: no, im not, but that doesn't mean i can't tell your a whore.

[Girl]: I think your costume is hot
[Rainman]: Well I think your hot in general...

Rainman walks away in awkwardness.

A Catfight breaks out between...well 2 very good looking girls.. KingDong totall dress in drag breaks the fight up and starts yelling at the one who started the fight

[KingDong]: Get Out, Get the Fuck out now!

easily the most hilarious scene in the whole party. KingDong dressed in complete drag yelling at the top of his and rainman nearly puked from laughing so hard.

As the party dies down we decide to go to the bars and i get...shitfaced. i also called up skittle and she was talking to me on speaker phone the entire time...i know im awsome.

when going back to the bars rainman is drunk and think's exercising is a good idea.

[rainman]: hey man do you wanna go for a run?
[me]: dude im so drunk i can barely walk, how the fuck am i going to "run"

so i end up passing out on top of the bar in Lunchbox's apartment and am still hammered drunk when i wake up at 11am...

the ride home sucked.

Friday, March 23, 2007

14. taco meat

Written: March 2007
Occurred: March 2007 (same night)

Ah. so comes one of the most interesting, and disgusting stories of this blog, granted the golden shower story was gross, along with the Whale and the sandwich story but this baby tops the charts on the blog

the night started out like a normal thursday night. a girl dubbed "taco" called me up to hangout and drink later in the evening. I had just finished a huge report paper so i thought this was a splendid idea.

Taco picked me up along with Rainman (now banned from CC college might i add) and drove to the Somer's House for a calm (yes calm) night of enjoyment of live entertainment and to have a few drinks.

the 1st mistake taco made was drinking with just me and rainman, we tend to pick on the weakest link and if a sign of weakness is shown, well we send massive amounts of drinks in the general area. The thing was tonight, we honestly didn't contribute to Taco going awol.

We sit down, enjoy the live band. I had a few bacardi and cokes, Rainman stuck to beer for the night (but he took a few shots that were offered his way, he's not that much of a pussy) i owed Taco a Chocolate Martini so she took that like a virgin on prom night. It ended being a dangerous drink for Taco because it combined 2 things that she loves more then cock; Chocolate and Alcohol.

After 2 martini's she switched up 2 jack and coke (gross). I bought a round of shots for everybody sneaking in a shot of blackhouse for Rainman (i was declared an asshole for the remainder of the night) then i took another shot of tequila with my fellow crew members of Panama City Beach Spring Break (that story will be next). Then i ripped another shot with taco, Then another with the bar staff.

Taco, was talking shit about the Tennessee Vs. Ohio State game, saying that TN was gonna win it. I'm smarter then that (i also had $75 on Ohio State) and bet her that if Ohio State won, my debt of orgasms to her would be reversed and she would owe me. Obviously i won which ticked her off.

Then afterwards taco starts talking shit to me which according to Rainman got a little out of hand. Won of my fellow co-workers "Jax" being both drunk and loyal decided she wanted to fight Taco because she was talking down about me. Me and Rainman prevent this fight from happening using Rainman's drunk negotiation skills against taco and me just using brute force against Jax. (i don't hit girls but i dont mind putting them in locks to prevent them from moving).

Soon Taco decides its potty time. she leaves for 15-20mins and Rainman being soberish (well more sober then me) tells me to go check on her.

Ya. so i decide to go check on taco in the bathroom. i come back to a not so pretty sight (taco is a pretty girl and hot but that alone can't make up for the situation i encountered in the bathroom), Okay. so Taco has her skirt pulled up to her boobs which are pretty much hanging out at this point pissing on the garbage can. (Btw rainman just realized he has piss on him..everywhere)

I know this isn't a good thing and ask her if she is okay. She is crying and grabs onto me falling off the garbage can and (still pissing might i add) pisses all over my right leg. She falls on her ass into her own piss on the floor i catch her just in time to prevent her head from smacking into the piss floor. Whoa. i pull up her underwear and pull down her shirt (she's nakey from the lower boobs down) whoa tis gonna be awkward.

Taco is not in a good state she is crying about how she is gonna puke. I gently set her head down on the floor and call rainman for help. (she was so drunk she couldn't even walk oooh.) Me and Rainman being the "great" friends we are Pull up her underwear (a lacey black thong ohh baby talk dirrty to me) and pull down her skirt. It doesn't help much when i had to carry her by the legs and rainman by her arms to her car. Oh did i mention she was the DD for the night?

So we drag her to her car, one guy outside makes a comment about her underwear. I tell him "fuck you" and me and Rainman put taco in the back seat of her car. I decide to go back and get plastic bags (i know its gonna happen)

When i come back with the bags...its a little uh too late. Taco already decorated her back seat with well...her taco meal from before (hence the name). I put a plastic back in her face and she decides to spit in my face. great i love you too taco.

Its okay Taco already spit in Rainman's face before so its all good. Rainman decides to go back in to use the bathroom and to calm Jax down. So its just me and Taco i am kneeling in her puke in the back seat so i can get the plastic bag in position for her to puke. She has pukey taco meat all over her face, in her hair..everywhere. i decide the situation def isn't going in an UP direction and wipe off her face with my shirt.

She begins to heave again and i put the baggy up to her face. Rainman makes the comment "time to put the feedbag back on" and instead she vomits in her mouth and spits it all over my face. Thanks Asshole nice comment.

So we driver her back to campus. we can't get her to get out of her car so i call Picasso to help us out. he grabs a blanket. security is helping out too. I ask Taco if she is capable of walking. and she starts heaving again.

With no baggy at hand she pulls on my belt for stability and pukes...yes. inside my pants. the 2 security guards helping me are in shock. Then they start laughing cause seriously what else can you do.

I start laughing too. At this point its either that or cry. We finally transport her to a room to where she can stay for a moment. Security already called an ambulence in concer n for her safety.

So im in the room taking care of Taco. She's drunk blacked out yelling AngelLust if you want to fuck me just do it, just pull down my underwear and fuck me though my skirt.

I mean for some people having sex covered in puke is kinky, def not my style and i was def in the exact opposite mood. I tell taco to shut up and pass out. her response is i know you still wanna fuck me.

the paramedics come and one of them looks at me and this is the interaction

Paramedic: Son you might want to wash off your face
Me: whats up
Paramedic: well you got a little something (finally seeing my face is covered in puke)...well just wash off ur face.

They bring Taco back to the hospital and me and Rainman just sit there and look at each other...
i lick my lips and taste...taco bell. I tell rainman to do the same and he gets the same taste of afterpuke on his lips.


we eventually find out Taco is okay. which is a good thing. my pants are stained...inside and out with puke, my right leg is still wet with piss. Taco puked on my hoodie and his coat. man she caused a fair amount of collateral damage.

On the way out Rainman makes a comment to me "dude i think we are too good at what we do"

PS: rainman considers Taco puking chucks on me being even from slipping him the shot of blackhouse. we are currently waiting on taco's return to CC so i can finish this part. Taco not remembering a good 85% of this story im sure will love to read it. The next morning she ended up doing the walk of shame back to her dorm in a hospital gown, right as classes were getting out. I don't think any of us are going to be eating mexican food for a long while.

Ahh. life.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

13. Mr. Whiskers and the stage 5 clinger

Occured: Jan 2007
Written: Feb 2007

So i thought it was going to be a rather boring, non-eventful night. I went to work and started DJing, having a few drinks etc. My roomie Picasso was bragging how he is gonna nail some chick while im off DJing, i don't really care, chicks are a dime a dozen.

Nothing special, until Link came in saying,

[Link]: Um dude we have a, well a situation.
[Me]: Like What?
[Link]: Well that Chick Picasso hooked up kinda is a stage 5 clinger.
[Link]: She also apparently had a bush, and he recieved rugburn on his balls and cock from it
[Me]: Hahahahaha wait, Hahaahahaha

So i guess i was sent here to recieve help from you of some sort. Like an emergency situation.

I come up with the idea to have Link call up Picasso and tell him that i am being taken away from my job because i just was dosed with alcohol poisoning. Link decides that this is a great idea. and quickly calls up Picasso then leaves to pick him up.

a few minutes Link arrives back, With no Picasso,

[Link]: Funny story, so i come in there to pick him up and he's trying to get her to leave cause we are susposedly visiting you in the hospital. and She said that she'll stay in the room and wait for us to come back.
[Me]: wow. hahahahahaha that's not funny but it is.

A few mins later Link gets a call saying its okay for him to pick up Picasso, a few minutes later Picasso arrives i look at him ask him

[Me]: So how was the lay?
[Picasso]: Dude Fuck You Man, Seriously. Fuck You.

The night winds down, ad i come back to my dorm to find Link and Picasso chillin in my room. i look at Picasso and laugh, then Link starts laughing, so I get to hear the holes of the story filled in.

Apparently after the failure of the Angel-Lust has alcohol poisoning alibi, Picassowas so fed up he called security to kick the girl out (it was past visiting hours) usually security would be all up for getting people in trouble but Picasso got this response from them

[Picasso]: hey um there is this girl in my room and she won't leave, its past visiting hours and i was wondering if you could kick her out.
[Security]: Nope, too bad. call your RA or something.

So Picasso got the RA who kicked her out. Our RA is a cool dude and understood the shitty situation.

Picasso then went into other details.

[Me] So was her bush longer then the hair on my head?
[Picasso]: ya dude. it was gross

She then also forgot to close out an AIM convo on his computer. It went into details about how he(mr. whiskers) was one of the Best's she's ever screwed, that she's never had sex longer then 10min, and how Picasso rocked her world.

[Me]: she said you guys did everything but anal sex ewww u went down on her bush huh?
[Me]: I think your new nickname is Floss
[Link]: HAhaahahaha

[Picasso]: Dude when i saw it i decided no, so you can't call me Floss cause i never made oral contact.
[Me]: Did her pubes touch anything else besides giving u rugburnon ur bestfriends and shaft
[Picasso]: well they touched my chin
[Me]: Fine, were calling you whiskers from now on
[Link]: Hahahahaha

With that Picasso played some Viva Pinata (seriously its like a little kids game) and i got fed up with me and Link calling him whiskers or floss that he just went to bed. Aren't i a great friend. Granted he DID get laid, but the juice wasn't worth the squeeze.

Stage 5 clingers aren't a good thing, but are funny when they aren't clung to you. Picassojust has bad luck getting normal fucks. something always fucks up

but i do give him props because he turned a rather boring night into a fun one.

Monday, January 22, 2007

12. The Crusty Cups debate

Occured: Jan 2007
Written: Jan 2007

So it was a Saturday night, and i actually called of DJing at my bar (The Barn). I went back down into my hometown to DJ for C-Bears' party.

My roomie ("Picasso") and my sister (yes my sister the one who never drinks) accompanied me to this rather short escapade. Soon afterwards the legendary Firecrotch arrived and paid me half of the $200 she owes me (what can i say? my services come at a decent price)

In about an hour the party got busted. Not by the cops, by a rather suspicious, douchebag of a neighbor. He told everyone to dump out the alcohol. Me being one of the few 21 year olds there said to give it all to me. We put the remaining alcohol in the car and drove to my house. C-Bear then met up with us and we gave her back the booze.

Picasso was sprung off of one of C-bear's friends. and asked me if i could get her number from C-bear. I said no. and me, picasso, and Firecrotch headed back to CC College.

Before heading back to CC college Firecrotch decided she didn't want to drive. She offered Picasso to drive us back, he was excited cause it was a 2006 mustang GT. He stalled going from reverse to 1st gear. Firecrotch, with no patients and wanting to get drunk Firecrotch quikly booted him out and drove back.

Me and Firecrotch decided to head to The Barn.

Prior to this Firecrotch actually had tamed for a good while. She cut back on drinking, being crazy, etc. etc. Basically kinda went lame-o for a few good months and dissappeared off the radar.

Not tonight...i knew the legendary Firecrotch would be re-born at least for tonight. I walk into the Barn and there are some soroity girls i know standing on the bar pouring shots down people's throats. One spots me and yells out "Angel-Lust come here!"

instead of pouring me a shot in my mouth, she holds my mouth and completly fills it with alcohol. i take the mouthfull of hard liqour, which was goldschlagger, on that note my night was off to a start.

Me and Firecrotch started off with some Grey Goose Vodka's. and then got some free shots from the owner. Then more Grey Goose and vodkas. i spent around $40 that night. which doesn't seem like a lot, but when you work there and your employee discount is drinks are $1.00 it split to about 20 drinks a piece.

We start dancing on the dancefloor, and Firecrotch looks like she is raping me to the 10th degree. i won't like she dances pretty good, a hell of a lot better then me while intoxicated. Everyone is staring but its cool, she likes the attention and i dont really care cause im drunk. im sure im going to here about this night the next time i work.

We drink more and more and more. Towards around 12:30 Firecrotch is actually giving me lapdances on the middle of the dance floor. By this time Link and Rainman have arrived and get to see the Legend of Firecrotch in full force.

When last call is announced we slam our last Vodka drink which had to be Stoli because we drank the bottle of grey goose. (we are champs). And Firecrotch actually chugged and out drank Link. She called him a pussy.

We arrived back to my dorm room ( a scary ride back considering Firecrotch is drunk and drives a 2006 mustang GT, [rear wheel drive]). Firecrotch gets completely naked before changing (she's weird but not that i mind, my roomie picasso didn't mind either) and goes into my roomie's bed. We start arguing calling each other out on stupid behavior, slutty behavior, and illegal activities prohibited by federal and state law. The arguement was loud enough for security to here it and instead of kicking her out he said he would rather not get involved and to quiet it down.

Link came up with the fabolous idea of putting Firecrotch's Bra in the fridge. it was executed and she went bra-less to work. I wonder if she got any additional tips for that.

The kicker of the morning is out of spite of being blue-balled the night before by Firecrotch, Picasso decided that he would ejaculate all over her bra.

Post Script: For a brief moment in time the Legendary Firecrotch was reborn. She got blacked out, puked and enjoyed every minute of it. The Barn staff is probably going to say something about that night, simple cause me and her stole the show single handedly. There is also the debate in whether to change her nickname to Crusty Cups.

After giving the alcohol back to C-bear her party got busted by the cops a few hours later and everybody got tickets. Ahh...Youngens.

Friday, January 19, 2007

11. The Bojangles Beerbong Scandal.

Occured: jan 2005
Written: jan 2007

It was X-mas break, or at least i had a few days left of it. My buddy Lunchbox came and picked me up from college. We promtly heard about a small "get together." at one of my old wrestling buddie's "Marnst's" house.

We quickly go off and buy booze knowing that this will turn this get together into something more interesting. One of my bestfriends "bojangles" decided to test out my legendary beer bong.

Orginally he hated beer, and favored hard liquor until he realized beer bongs went down soo smooth.

As the night progressed me and lunchbox, doing our usual "it's not peer pressure, its just your turn" mindset soon got bojangles to take about 10 beer bongs. i took about 6 or so but he was determined to out drink me in beers.

I just sit back and let him out drink me by 4 beer bongs, i know that he is already going to regret taking them past the 6th.

to my surprise, he didn't puke. so we call up some people to go get some late night food (it was around 2-3am that this unoffical beer challenge ended).

In the car ride to iHOP its lunchbox and bojangles and me. in the other car its jerboa and chante. apparently we tried to find a denny's but they were closed. lunchbox calls up jerboa and bojangles takes the phone away from lunchbox

[Jerboa]: hello?
[Bojangles]: HEY WERE GOING TO DENNY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[lunchbox]: no were going to iHOP

Bojangles then throws lunchbox's phone somewhere inside the car, i thought and lunchbox thought he threw it out the window. Finally lunchbox finds his phone on the floor of the car:

[Lunchbox]: Hello?
[Jerboa]: Never put him on the phone again

We arrived to iHOP and bojangles get's out of control. He orders an omlet with everything on it and 3 (yes 3) side orders of pancakes.

our orders come out and bojangles tries to pour syrup on his pancakes, instead of tilting the syrup pitcher to the side, he turns the entire thing upside down and syrup goes everywhere.

[Lunchbox]: We are at iHOP...
[Bojangles]: OUR WAITRESS IS HOT!!!!!!!!!
[Waitress]: Thanks. (she was a table over)
[Bojangles]: I HAVE TO PEE REALLY BAD!!!!

Bojangles goes pee and the table has a moment of sanity. about 10 mins pass and some dudes come out of the bathroom.

[Random dude]: hey is that your guy in there?
[Me]: yeah whats up?
[Random Dude]: he passed out underneath the stall.

I walk in the bathroom, and it was confirmed bojangles was passed out head on the toilet of a public iHOP bathroom. how gross.

The late night dinner eventually ends, and we all head home. On the way home its me riding shotgun, lunchbox driving and bojangles passed out in the back seat.
We hit a yellow light and lunchbox brings the car to a screetching hault.

WHAM! bojangles head slams right into the head rest on the drivers side. he doesn't wake up from such an impact so lunchbox steps on the gas as soon as the light turns green. WHAM! bojangles head slams into the headrest of the back seat. I laugh

So lunchbox kinda just hits the gas and the breaks repeatedly slamming bojangles head into either the back headrest or the driver. hilarious i couldn't stop laughing.

bojangles crashed at my place and in the morning woke up feeling like shit.

[Bojangles]: hey man have u ever thorwn up a pancake?
[Me]: no, why?
[Bojangles]: it comes out like a pancake..
[me]: oh...
[Bojangles]: ya i puked in the laundry room garbage can...
[Me]: God Damnit!

Post Script: There isn't much to say about the rest. this was the last time i partied with bojangles because he moved away and now has a steady g/f. Obviously due to his g/f, a DUI, and other various incidents he retired.

Partying is like a highway, sometimes other people's exits are before yours, but the old Bojangles will always be a legend of this story.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

10. Christmas Break 2006

Been a while but i think this x-mas break is worth telling so far as a whole. if i wrote each story individually it would be lame, but writing about it together makes it a grand masterpiece (so far).

Thursday Dec 15:

I take my finals. after the adderall wears off i decide to actually eat something (adderall eliminates your hunger) and sleep till about 9pm.
Around 9pm i get up shower, and head out to the bar (Murphy's) and take advantage of the $2.50 long island ice tea special. I get drunk and go out to eat with some friends Lilbit, Jerboa, and Link.

Friday Dec 16th:

I wake up around 4:00pm pack up and leave CC college. i get home eat dinner. i DJ at my bar till 3am. i drink heavily and passout at home around 6am.

Saturday Dec 17th:

Wake up around 5pm. i don't DJ at my bar so i gather around to celebrate "PTZ's" 21st b-day. The party consists of me,"DD", Fiero, and Link. I buy Link 2 shots of liquid cocaine (goldschlager, bacardi 151 and yager) and one shot of just straight bacardi 151. i don't remember the ride to the restraunt. Apparently we meet up with Jerboa and Lilbit at the 24 hour restraunt. i pass out around 6am yet again.

Sunday Dec 18th:

I wake up around 5pm yet again. only for not such a joyous occasion. I pay my respects to a High School Classmate who lost his life serving in the military.

i go home around 7-8pm. around 11pm Link calls me up to go to a small party. I promptly decide to go.
the party is a lame sausage fest. i sip on my vodka grape juice/cranberry mix.

the girls passout around 1am shitty. some dude is talking shit to me, link, and another guy. I seriously debate whether to smash his face in, but i let it slide. He's obviously drunk and having more fun then me...why hate on him. me and link grab food and call it a night.

Monday Dec 19th:

A bunch of us (20+ or so) decide to hold a little reunion of high school friends. We decide to make it a chill kinda thing and throw it at a bowling alley.

most of us arrive and i decide i would like to have a drink. Its $1 tap beer, i think that is a good deal and buy a beer. Apparently others think this a great deal too and start drinking (by drinking i mean pounding) beers. i laugh knowing this is only phase 1.

It is Jugs 21st bday we decide to have dinner at TGI-Fridays. We all sit down. there is a good amount of us at the dinner party (some names included Rainman, Lunchbox, KingDong, Pady, and Zamboni)

The drinks start, and don't stop. I order 2 long islands. and Jugs boyfriend? friend? w/e orders everybody a shot. We take the shot and cheer loudly. We are obviously getting drunk.

Once the food arrives everyone is clapping because of the sheer drunkedness. Jugs, Zamboni, Me, Lunchbox, and Pady decide to go to the bar for a smoke break. We have a smoke and pound about 3-5 more shots each, yay.

We get back to the table and order more drinks and eat some more food. we leave (kinda get kicked out) around 11:30. Rainman declares we can throw a party at his house. The pussy peeps leave friday's and head for home...phase 3 to them seems like overkill.

So the eliete partiers unite....
We all quickly drive to dominicks and rush to the alocohol section. its only 11:45 and the gates are locked. we throw a mini riot the dominicks and the store manager opens up the gates. We buy about 5 cases of beer and 3 hard liquor drinks.

We arrive at Rainman's and start drink very,very heavily. Beerpong galore, and shots of rumplemintze and Baily's (yummy). around 3-4am Link is in the bathroom puking his guts out. Most of the guys are trying to get with girls they dub "skanks"or "sluts." Lunchbox crashes around 5am, KingDong following right behind. So me, Rainman, Celica, and Doug, are all left up drinking. (me and rainman are always one of the last to fall asleep due to our sheer alcoholicness and high tolerance level).

I finally crash around 9am. and wake up at 12pm-1pm with a nice little headache. i go home and go to sleep.

Tuesday Dec 19th:

Wake up around 6pm. Lunchbox picks me up around 8pm, and then rainman around 9pm. We decide to go to the casino in milwaukee. we arrive there and Lunchbox decides to go off and bet. me and rainman go grab some grub and hit up the bar (surprise, surprise). After that me and rainman lose around $20 playing the damn slot machines.

We then to decide to play blackjack. rainman now is a member of gamblers addicts. even through he lost $60 maybe more due to his constant buying back in's. I am up $160. Lunchbox is down $40 and rainman is down anywhere from $60 to $80. The night ends with us going home around 5am.

Wednesday Dec 20th:

I wake up to DJ at my bar around 5pm. i pick up Lunchbox and KingDong around 8:30pm. its $5 all you can drink till midnight and they start drinking heavily. I drink but not enough to get trashed, i still got a job to do. i introduce them to 2 girls i work with. They are hot but Lunchbox and KingDong are weird and think they are boring. At the endof the night i order them a pizza from the bar and they eat it like a little kid in a candy store.

Lunchbox got into an afterparty at 2 of the shotgirl's apartments. we go there and just chill for a while. Lunchbox is wasted and almost passing out on the futon. i laugh. we head home because lunchbox is tired and drunk and was giving the red light on the possibility of getting sex.

PostScript: so far so good.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

9. The Milwaukee Brewers risky backseat business story

Occured: June 2005
Written: Nov 2006

So my buddy Lunchbox and I decided to go up to a Milwaukee Brewers game. Along with us tags Lunchbox's boss "Nastynate" who is around 23-24 years old at the time.

Lunchbox also invites 1 girl "Caody" and she brings along one of her goodfriends. "Caodyfriend"

So Lunchbox comes and picks me up with Caody, Caodyfriend and Nastynate.

because none of us were 21 at the time we got Nastynate to buy us booze. we get a 18 case of beer along with some watermelon vodka with lemonade for the ladies. We start drinking with almost an hour car ride ahead of us.

apprently Caody and her friend are lighweights and are showing signs of drunkeness. I think i put too much faith into people's drinking abilities.

So i end up drinking the rest the their drinks. We park the car at miller stadium and start tailgating. we fisnish the beers and head in.

The girls are already blacked out, they don't even remember walking in the stadium.

The game begins and we sit down cheering on the brewers, Nastynate orders me a beer. the girls are blacked out and me and nastynate are starting to get drunk.

The Brewers hit a homerun and everyone starts cheering. All of a sudden Caody and her friend start making out (i guess celebrating the homerun). Then i totally start making out with both of them. A guy cheers us on.

After that fiasco be and nastynate head to find the bathroom. we are waitign in line and im pissing in a urinal, nastynate pissing in the urinal next to me and some random guy in a pink shirt and a cubs hat pissing next to nate.

nastynate turns to the guy in the pink shirt says "fag" and goes bag to peeing. after we are done pissing the dude gets up in his face

[Pinkshirt dude]: What did u you say?
[NastyNate]: i called you a fag, what kind of dude wears a pink shirt and a cubs hat to a brewers game, a fag that's who.
[Pinkshirt dude]: ya well the brewers suck.

Bad move on Pinkshirt Dude's part. The whole bathroom erupts into a near riot state after his comment. One guy throws a punch at Pinkshirt Dude. Pinkshirt dude's friends drag him out of the chaos.

Afterwards me and Nastynate go into the bar. I just walked in and sat down at the bar and ordered a drink with nastynate. After 3 or 4 long islands i'm feeling pretty good. Nastynate is feeling good too. We decide to find Pinkshirt dude.

We fail at finding him so we walk back to our seats. Lunchbox was waiting for us saying the game was over the Brewers were getting stomped. We go back out to the car to tailgate again.

Caody and Caodyfriend are walking are the parking lot showing random guys their boobs to score some beer.

On the way home Nastynate is in the passenger seat with Lunchbox driving. im the back seat with the 2 girls.

again i start making out with the 2 girls in the back seat. all the way home. Caodyfriend decides to give me a handjob in the backseat of Lunchboxes car.

The Next morning i woke up with a hangover and people pissed. including Caody's ex b/f. not to mention Lunchbox who mandated the new rule "you can't get any in my car until i get any."

Postscript: Caody and me aren't allowed to go to brewer's games anymore. Lunchbox wasn't happy with me for about 2 hours, then of course he let it slide cause we are bestfriends like that. besides that there isn't much to elaborate about this memory.