15. Southern Comfort
Written: October 2007
Eventually you run out of shit to do in your own town.
Lunchbox calls me up with a nice little offer. He suggests that i take a trip down to Louisville. Why?
He's throwing a big Halloween party and wants me to bring the crew down.
Me being the academically driven student i am decided to go down to Louisville for the weekend. I called the crew and to them it seemed like a swell idea.
Eventually when the day comes Zamboni and Firecrotch can't go. Oh well i guess i seems like a good choice for them especially if your into "responsibility" kinda of things.
So the triad of Me, Rainman, and KingDong. decide to go to louisville. The ride there was quite boring
until the barrage of drunken phone calls happen. A girl....we'll refer to her as "Skittle" was at a semi formal at her school and decides to give me roughly around 5 drunken phone calls every hour. Some good Convo's
[skittle]: hey im really wasted right now haha. me and my soroity sister are wondering whether or not our dates are more into us...or more into each other.
[skittle]: hey im wasted!
[me]: that's awsome
[skittle]: you should turn around and come to texas
[me]: we are 2 hours from louisville, that wouldn't be possible
[skittle] but seriously, there are a lot of horny girls looking for some play tonight come on think about it
[skittle]: hey angel, angel, angel, lust. when are you coming to visit me in texas?
[me]: What are you saying?
[skittle] i have a preminition, i think i am going to die young
[me]: a pre-m what?
[skittle]: oh by the way, you should see me tonight i look hot, u'd be impressed, but i'll call you later im on a quest to get laid tonight. seriously though, you should come to texas.
We eventually make it to our destination. we just throw our bags in lunchbox's apartment and head out to the bars.
we go to a bar called Willy's and the scene there is pretty cool. I order a miller lite and it does taste worse the farther you are from milwaukee...im not gonna lie.
In this bar there is a section of glass flooring, why? because there is an alligator pit below so i am drunk, standing above a live alligator.
KingDong is drunk hitting on Lunchbox's girl so that's always interesting to watch. its the end of the night (as in 4am barclose) and KingDong decides to throw in the knockout punch, he orders 2 shots of tequila to him and Lunchbox's girl. This not only cancel's him out, but the girl as well.
KingDong accuses Lunchbox of cockblocking.
The girl decides to passout in lunchbox's car. lunchbox carries her up 4 flights of stairs. she falls face first onto the floor. Me and Rainman laugh at this while Lunchbox helps get the girl to bed.
We stay up and play beerpong. i pass out and rainman passes out outside.
We wake up around 11am, Lunchbox decides to show us around town. Louisville is a very nice town i might move there someday.
we go to the mall to get KingDong a costume... Lunchbox see a pair of fake breasts...
We all decide KingDong will go as...Firecrotch in wet tee-shirt contest for Halloween.
KingDong decides to buy a pair of Victoria Secret Pink Collection Shorts. this costume got a lil out of control.
The party starts and i decide tequila is great for pre-game. like 8 shots. yay. eventually i finish the entire bottle. yay. so its ur basic college party but ill elaborate on the highlights...
[Girl]: hey your not from around here are you?
[Me]: no, im not, but that doesn't mean i can't tell your a whore.
[Girl]: I think your costume is hot
[Rainman]: Well I think your hot in general...
Rainman walks away in awkwardness.
A Catfight breaks out between...well 2 very good looking girls.. KingDong totall dress in drag breaks the fight up and starts yelling at the one who started the fight
[KingDong]: Get Out, Get the Fuck out now!
easily the most hilarious scene in the whole party. KingDong dressed in complete drag yelling at the top of his lungs...me and rainman nearly puked from laughing so hard.
As the party dies down we decide to go to the bars and i get...shitfaced. i also called up skittle and she was talking to me on speaker phone the entire time...i know im awsome.
when going back to the bars rainman is drunk and think's exercising is a good idea.
[rainman]: hey man do you wanna go for a run?
[me]: dude im so drunk i can barely walk, how the fuck am i going to "run"
so i end up passing out on top of the bar in Lunchbox's apartment and am still hammered drunk when i wake up at 11am...
the ride home sucked.