Friday, October 06, 2006

6. The Tale of The Whale and The Sandwich

Occurred: March 2006
Written: October 2006

So its St. Patties Day. I know most people could give a shit, but to us college kids St. Patties Day is like a celebrating New Years twice.

i was on spring break and went looking for a party. My friend "Body" decided to throw one at his house. Perfect so i call my friends all tell them about the party.

But when parties happen last minute usually results turn sour, i was pretty impressed though a good 20-30 people showed up. a lot of my friends showed up but ill only list the ones of importances to this story:

::Lunchbox:: my ultimate party buddy, this is the first story he is mentioned in but u will hear is name quite often

::Rainman:: heh isn't he always there

::Navi:: a new recuit who i've only partied with once before, it takes a lot to party and keep up me i decided to give him a shot (last time he's ever partied is St. Patties day)

::TheGonz:: Another new recruit, jock buddy from high school

::MTripleA:: she's a good friend and at the time was my drunk make-out buddy

Along with other various people invited by random people. Including "TheWhale" TheWhale is seriously what i say she is, the size of a whale, laying down she took up the entire fucking couch both in width and in length, keep that in mind as the story progress.

So the night starts off like normal people doing shots of whatever and of course the keg. from what i seemed it was going to be a pretty dull, chill type of party. a few keg stands, and a few shots later it begins to heat up a bit.

You know how it goes people begin to dance, alcohol makes you think you can dance better. I start making out with MTripleA. Then it seems the party dies down.

So TheGonz and Navi are fucking wasted with their shirts off having people sign them and shit, so i just sign "i love cock" on Navi's back He doesn't care he's wasted.

So we are all just chillen shooting the shit when in front of the entire party TheGoz gets on top of TheWhale and starts making out. Seriously man, fucking disgusting, but whatever is just making out something to laugh about in the morning....

Wrong, before we know it both TheWhale and TheGonz strip down naked and start fucking on the sofa. TheGonz is about my height so it looks like a toy poodle fucking a St. Bernard. They are seriously going at it.

The whole party stops in awe and there is a huge silence.

As nasty as this sounds i actually found it amusing. Lunchbox quickly grabs a marker and signs on TheGonz's ass "Lunchbox was here." Neither TheWhale or TheGonz seems to notice so it begins

[Body]: (after mircowaving a bread with peanut butter on it and handing it to me) Angel Lust, i call you out man, stick it on one of them.
[Me]: Fine i will

Don't call me out on anything ill do it. So i walk over and take the peanut butter side down and stick it on TheGonz's ass cheek

[Me]: (turning to Navi) I call you out.

Navi takes a plastic butter knife and scoops out some peanut butter and sticks it in TheGonz's asscrack. TheGonz is too blacked out to notice.

[Navi]: Body i call you out.
[Body]: this is my house fucker watch this

Body goes into his fridge and busts out some butter, turkey, and solomi he begins throwing it all over TheGonz and TheWhale. Finally realizing what is going on the naked couple walks up stairs and goes up into the upstairs room and shut and lock the door.

Almost on cue Body's brother comes in. he has an intership with the Lake County Sheriff. Body tells his bro to come up with us with his flashlight and his jacket (which has a police badge on it)

Me, Body, Lunchbox, and Body's Bro all creep upstairs to the door.

After the count of 3 me, body, lunchbox all kick the door wide open and Body's brother storms in

[Body's Bro]: Lake County Sheriff put your hands up this party is fucking busted! lets see some ID!!

TheGonz and TheWhale both let out high pitch screeks and Body's Bro closes the door:

[Body's Bro]: Dude that is a nastiest shit i've ever seen man, u guys are fucking sick.

So we all go down stairs and Body comes back down laughing.

[Me]: whats so funny?
[Body]: I took a picture of TheWhale and TheGonz with (TheBlondes) camera and found THIS!

Body held up TheWhales thong. He laughed as he could stetch them and they could reach shoulder blade to shoulder blade. fucking sick

Now a passed out blonde is on the couch wear the nasty deed happend and Body takes TheWhales thong and puts it around her neck and over her eye kind of like a pirate, fucking hilarious. She also brought a camera (the one body used to take pictures of TheWhale and TheGonz) so we took a picture of her with a fat girls thong over her eye.

After this is all said and done is about 5:30 in the morning, Me and Lunchbox and MTripleA head home.

Post Script: TheGonz completely blacked out, the entire night and woke up completly naked next to TheWhale. Neither TheGonz or Navi have partied with me since the incident.

Oh and before i made out with MTripleA she sucked Navi's dick.Fucking Bitch, i was like wtf but she said he didn't cum so i guess that's okay?

I still never found of if that girl (blonde) ever developed that camera.

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