Sunday, October 08, 2006

7. Marquette 1st degree assault story.

Occurred: October 2006
Written: October 2006

So we decide to go up to marquette again. around 7pm Goldenboy comes up to CC college with 2 of his buddies "Gfriend1" and Gfriend2" and i actually do something that was failed before; Get some fucking alcohol to pre-game with.

We go to the liquor store (aka the hallways of heaven) and i pickup my favorite vodka Level. I could seriously drink that stuff 24/7 it's so smooth, and tastes great. i like it on the rocks with half a lemon squeezed in, amazing.

Anyways, we chill in my room till about 9 when Rainman and "CountryBumkin" (haha im probably gonna get killed for that nickname but whatever) and C-Bear and "Firecrotch" show up.

Firecrotch makes me make her some ramen noodles cause she is a wimp and can't eat pizza with some red peppers on it. so we continue to pre-game and leave around 9pm.

We take 2 cars this time around, one car consisting of Rainman, Goldenboy, CountryBumkin and gfriend1. In the other car is Me, Level Vodka, gfriend2, C-bear.

The ride up there isn't really fun, firecrotch has no music and what music she has kinda sucks. its like chicky techno music which is okay but its like chicky music that is like 3 years old.

We park the cars, and to tell you the truth it looked pretty dead. Luckily either CountryBumpkin or Rainman know someone that was having a little shindig. We seach for the address of 933.

In looking for 933 we pass a house with some guys sitting on the porch.

[Me]: Hey do you guys know where 933 is?
[Random Dude]: Well guys house 853 is right here
[Me]: no, no 933 is what im looking for they have a keg
[Random Dude]: well i heard 853 has 4 kegs. and shots.
[Me]: WELL Looks like we found the place guys Right here!

We go into this house party, and we are like one of the 1st groups there. i quickly empty the rest of my level into the 2liter bottle of lemonade. Firecrotch takes a few gulps. Now i take a few good gulps

Rainman makes CountryBumpkin chug the vodka lemonade. She tries but doesn't really finish it up. i take a few more chugs then hand the rest over to firecrotch who opens up and finishes up the rest of the drink, wonderful deepthroating and swallowing skills, (golf clap for firecrotch)

So everyone is pretty drunk (im only mildly intoxicated) and i find myself talking to random people simply because firecrotch is off looking for hot boys to fuck, C-bear and Goldenboy are talking to each other, and Rainman and CountryBumpkin are off talking somewhere.

I don't mind one bit. i walk out to the porch and light a cig. i talk to people outside. One guy is talking about how he smacked his girlfriend, i tell him he must be a really cool dude and a real rebel. The people on the porch laugh as he walks away from the party giving me the middle finger.

I start convo with a girl asking her what her major is, she said partying and drinking, i tell her she has a wonderful future ahead of her and that's a response "too cool for school" she leaves the porch area as well. heh girls love me.

I walk into the party and head toward the keg to get more beer. about 5-6 more beers later i guess my crew decided to check out 933. everyone gathers up and goes to 933.

we get to 933 and its lame. just a few people chillen. i fill my beer and me, rainman, and gfriend1 and 2 stay behind to drink more beer while goldenboy, c-bear, and firecrotch go find another party.

While they went off to find a party everyone shows off their tattoos. how cool. anyways i get sick of waiting around and take gfriend1 and 2 with me to find goldenboy who found a party.

We get to the door of the apartment complex and i give goldenboy a call. i ask him to let me in and look in the window and see him dickin around with c-bear, i bang on the glass and tell him through the phone to open the fuckin door.

We get to the party and get cups and starting drinking. the beer is fuckin milwaukees best light basically shit in a keg. i don't care though im drunk. i buy firecrotch a shot of rum, haha she's a drunk ass and totally blacked out by now. She is all over some random dude and like humping him, i laugh in amusement.

I then head up to the bathroom area and pass goldenboy and C-bear cuddling/making out or whatever on the stairs. at the top of the stairs while waiting in line i see this dude complaining about how nasty the beer is. His friend tells him to drink and he says fuck this and throws the beer down the stairs.
I laugh, then i hear c-bear scream. The beer landed on both her and goldenboy. she comes up furious asking who the fuck spilled beer on her. i just say i dunno (the dude who did spill beer on them wa in the bathroom). i laugh again cause im a dick.

We finally decide to leave due to um police shit. anyways firecrotch is fucking wasted, like can barely stand wasted. i laugh cause she almost falls and busts her shit.

on the way back home Gfriend1 drives cause he is sober, Gfriend2 is in the passenger seat. and im the backseat with firecrotch (which ended up being a big mistake later that night)

Firecrotch is asleep in my lap, seriously i could have just unzipped my pants and poked her in the face. she is weird and finds in comforting to hold on into the holes in my jeans and she rips them. Seriously i think she is a dominatrix she likes to bite and pinch and scratch at random points.

So we are following Rainman who is driving CountryBumpkins car. we pull into a gas station and CountryBumkin and C-bear run into the bathroom. i look on the side of the car and there is puke all over it. Rainman tells me CountryBumpkin puked out the window. I laugh and get some food. 2drinksdrunk calls me

[me]: sup?
[2drinksdrunk]: are you still partying at marquette? i heard of a huge party
[me]: sorry all cool big parties are done already
[2drinkdrunk]: no, i just heard of one right now, u should come back up
[me]: really i just heard of a cool party at this gas station right here its really big and cool, you should come here!
[2drinksdrunk]: ill talk to you later.

comming back from the gas station rest stop my friend grudgefan calls me she's nice and just wanted to see what im up to.

[grudgefan]: so whats up?
[me]: nothing just comming back from the party
[firecrotch]: (yelling) BITCH!!! CUNTRAG!!! SLUT!!!
[grudgefan]: what is going on?!
[me]:nothing hold on (trying to stop firecrotch from taking my phone) okay, so what where you saying OWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

Firecrotch sunk her teeth in my arm like a fucking police dog. i wont lie that fucking hurt. i tell grudgefan ill call her back.

[me]: firecrotch what the fuck is wrong with you?
[firecrotch]: hehehe

whatever.

firecrotch also called 2drinksdrunk and cussed her out. girls are so weird sometimes

anyways with CountryBumpkin being sick Rainman pulls over to give our car Goldenboy and C-bear.

So now its me, firecrotch, goldenboy, and C-bear in the back. i turn and look out the window and hear this:

[goldenboy]: firecroch stop pinching me
[goldenboy]: stop
[goldenboy]: okay now your gonna get it
[goldenboy]: OWWW!!!! OKAY STOP, STOP!!!

Yes, firecrotch bit him too, im seriously debating whether to get checked for rabies.

we come back to my dorm and its just me and firecrotch the rest of them had to pick up/drop off stuff in goldenboy's car.

im sitting at my computer, and firecroch takes off her pants, and then her thong. so she is standing there half-naked from the waist down. i really don't care (its not like i haven't seen her whoo-ha or tits before)

She tries to put on her Pajama pants and completly falls backwards onto a box fan and knocks over various things on my roomies nightstand and just kinda lays there for a sec.

[me]: you drunkass
[firecrotch] (laughing) fuck you
[me]: oh by the way thanks for the porn star view of your cooter
[firecroch]: fuck you i don't care.

that girl has no shame.

C-bear comes back and goldenboy and his friends leave. firecroch keeps poking her head out of my roomies bed and joining in on conversations. i tell her to go to fucking bed and she passes out.

security caught c-bear so we took a walk around campus before heading back into my room. Snafu called C-bear and she went to bed w/ him that night. ( iwas kinda happy with that, i don't like sharing my bed unless im either really drunk or about to pass out, post orgasm)

I had to wake up firecrotch at 9am cause she had to work. she woke up and couldn't find her thong. haha o well. so after firecrotch pukes she goes and gets c-bear. i go back to bed asap.

PostScript: firecrotch's bite left a huge bruse on my shoulder/tricep. it looks like someone hit me with a lead pipe, but if u look close enough you can see teeth marks, i also have scratches and cuts from firecrotches abusive nature. seriously if i didn't love firecrotch as one of my biggest party girls; i could seriously file assault charges (but i won't cause everyone has their vicious, bloodthirsty, violent drunk days right?)

Goldenboy and C-ber will find out that i knew who threw beer on them after reading this story. how funny (to me)

Oh, and somewhere in my room is firecrotch's victoria secret thong, in talking with her post party she also said she flashed the beer pong table. what a champ.

Friday, October 06, 2006

6. The Tale of The Whale and The Sandwich

Occurred: March 2006
Written: October 2006

So its St. Patties Day. I know most people could give a shit, but to us college kids St. Patties Day is like a celebrating New Years twice.

i was on spring break and went looking for a party. My friend "Body" decided to throw one at his house. Perfect so i call my friends all tell them about the party.

But when parties happen last minute usually results turn sour, i was pretty impressed though a good 20-30 people showed up. a lot of my friends showed up but ill only list the ones of importances to this story:

::Lunchbox:: my ultimate party buddy, this is the first story he is mentioned in but u will hear is name quite often

::Rainman:: heh isn't he always there

::Navi:: a new recuit who i've only partied with once before, it takes a lot to party and keep up me i decided to give him a shot (last time he's ever partied is St. Patties day)

::TheGonz:: Another new recruit, jock buddy from high school

::MTripleA:: she's a good friend and at the time was my drunk make-out buddy

Along with other various people invited by random people. Including "TheWhale" TheWhale is seriously what i say she is, the size of a whale, laying down she took up the entire fucking couch both in width and in length, keep that in mind as the story progress.

So the night starts off like normal people doing shots of whatever and of course the keg. from what i seemed it was going to be a pretty dull, chill type of party. a few keg stands, and a few shots later it begins to heat up a bit.

You know how it goes people begin to dance, alcohol makes you think you can dance better. I start making out with MTripleA. Then it seems the party dies down.

So TheGonz and Navi are fucking wasted with their shirts off having people sign them and shit, so i just sign "i love cock" on Navi's back He doesn't care he's wasted.

So we are all just chillen shooting the shit when in front of the entire party TheGoz gets on top of TheWhale and starts making out. Seriously man, fucking disgusting, but whatever is just making out something to laugh about in the morning....

Wrong, before we know it both TheWhale and TheGonz strip down naked and start fucking on the sofa. TheGonz is about my height so it looks like a toy poodle fucking a St. Bernard. They are seriously going at it.

The whole party stops in awe and there is a huge silence.

As nasty as this sounds i actually found it amusing. Lunchbox quickly grabs a marker and signs on TheGonz's ass "Lunchbox was here." Neither TheWhale or TheGonz seems to notice so it begins

[Body]: (after mircowaving a bread with peanut butter on it and handing it to me) Angel Lust, i call you out man, stick it on one of them.
[Me]: Fine i will

Don't call me out on anything ill do it. So i walk over and take the peanut butter side down and stick it on TheGonz's ass cheek

[Me]: (turning to Navi) I call you out.

Navi takes a plastic butter knife and scoops out some peanut butter and sticks it in TheGonz's asscrack. TheGonz is too blacked out to notice.

[Navi]: Body i call you out.
[Body]: this is my house fucker watch this

Body goes into his fridge and busts out some butter, turkey, and solomi he begins throwing it all over TheGonz and TheWhale. Finally realizing what is going on the naked couple walks up stairs and goes up into the upstairs room and shut and lock the door.

Almost on cue Body's brother comes in. he has an intership with the Lake County Sheriff. Body tells his bro to come up with us with his flashlight and his jacket (which has a police badge on it)

Me, Body, Lunchbox, and Body's Bro all creep upstairs to the door.

After the count of 3 me, body, lunchbox all kick the door wide open and Body's brother storms in

[Body's Bro]: Lake County Sheriff put your hands up this party is fucking busted! lets see some ID!!

TheGonz and TheWhale both let out high pitch screeks and Body's Bro closes the door:

[Body's Bro]: Dude that is a nastiest shit i've ever seen man, u guys are fucking sick.

So we all go down stairs and Body comes back down laughing.

[Me]: whats so funny?
[Body]: I took a picture of TheWhale and TheGonz with (TheBlondes) camera and found THIS!

Body held up TheWhales thong. He laughed as he could stetch them and they could reach shoulder blade to shoulder blade. fucking sick

Now a passed out blonde is on the couch wear the nasty deed happend and Body takes TheWhales thong and puts it around her neck and over her eye kind of like a pirate, fucking hilarious. She also brought a camera (the one body used to take pictures of TheWhale and TheGonz) so we took a picture of her with a fat girls thong over her eye.

After this is all said and done is about 5:30 in the morning, Me and Lunchbox and MTripleA head home.

Post Script: TheGonz completely blacked out, the entire night and woke up completly naked next to TheWhale. Neither TheGonz or Navi have partied with me since the incident.

Oh and before i made out with MTripleA she sucked Navi's dick.Fucking Bitch, i was like wtf but she said he didn't cum so i guess that's okay?

I still never found of if that girl (blonde) ever developed that camera.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

5. Angel Lust Goes to UW Madison Halloween

Occurred: October 2005

Written October 2006

So everybody knows UW Madison is the #1 party college...in the U.S. because of one reason; Hallo-fucking-ween. Of course knowing this and Madison being only an hour or so away how could i miss out?

I quickly rally what troops i could. the list of party goers are as follows, i didn't have a car on campus so i had to choose selectively.

::Snafu:: was orginally going up there with his girlfriend, but she went up friday night, and he had no DD let alone a ride up there so he was in

. ::C-Bear:: was hands up for Madison simply because she was still young (high school young) and this was an oppurtunity not only to go to a college party, but the biggest one in the fuckin U.S.

::MisZ:: Party girl and totally up for it.

::AL:: MisZ's bestfriend (at the time) came up cause it was a party and at the time saw a picture of me in MissZ's room and she thought i was hot/cute and wanted to meet me.

::Zamboni:: he took my phone call as if it was an omen from god and quickly set out to find a costume.

::Frenchbitchtits:: One of my closest friends, but he always DD's because he doesn't trust us to drive ourselves to and from any destination sober.

So we all arrive in my dorm room and begin to pre-game.

Zamboni is dressed up in a hippie costume that he bought at the salvation army.

I'm dressed up as an elf.

FrenchBitchTits is dressed up as a chef

C-Bear is a cowgirl.

Snafu is wearing a kid sized fireman's costume, he resembles more of a male stripper then a fireman

The only ones who aren't in costume are MisZ and AL. how lame. I ask them if they brought a costume but they said no. MisZ exclaimed that they already were in costume, because they are going as lesbien lovers. the funny thing is, later in the night they lived up to their "costumes"

So we all pre-game a little bit. Snafu is drinking Franzia shit wine cooler, i don't know he thinks its classy and accessable. i agree with him on that part i mean it IS a portable box of wine, i can't deny that.

The ride up there is pretty slow considering FrenchBitchTits drives like a 90 year old grandma. But we eventually get there, with plenty of singing and yelling along the way. Did i mention we fit all those people mentioned above in 1 car, ya kinda cramped.

We meet up with one of my old high school friends "Kelro" she's a cool chick and gets a kick out of our costumes. She is dressed like a school girl ha, i saw a lot of school girl costumes that night.

We eventually make it to State Street. I was in ectasy, there seriously is around 80,000 drunk people all in costumes. I was buzzing pretty good due to some more pre-game at Kelro's place.

I saw some of the best costumes in my life there, a group of people actually dressed up like the cast of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, not to mention all the slutty costumes, whore costumes, and stripper costumes, keg costumes (with an actual tap the holds liquid, i had some and the dude had whiskey in it.) We lose Zamboni in the crowd and he catches up to explain

[Me]: where were you?

[Zamboni]: Dude the Keg Costume dude had whiskey in it,hahaha they i tried his friends tap and it had vodka in it, this is so fucking awsome!!

I wonder about him sometimes

Kelro eventually leads us off of State Street and to a house party. Snafu decided to meet up with his girlfriend and said he'd meet up with us later.

We arrived to the house party and then i get to experiance the awsome power of jungle juice. I drink quite a bit. i look to my right and see MisZ and AL chillen there i turn around to get another cup and hear this:

[MisZ]: AL!!

[AL] MisZ!!!

and they start making out. not like your standard "two girls making out because guys told them to makeout", im talking full on "the fucking titanic is going down into the ocean and they are on it" making out.

A few minutes later find myself making out with MisZ. A few minutes after that with AL. ha i guess im a make out slut?

so we are still chillen in the same place when a big hairy fat dude walks by us. MisZ trashed off her ass asks the dude if she can sign his sexy body ( talk about fucking beer goggles) so she does and out of randomness licks his hairy nipple.(and by hairy i mean the dude looked like he had a sweater vest on)

So Zamboni and AL are hooking up. it doesn't bother me- i have my eye on a girl in a slutty nurse costume. All of a sudden she comes up to me ad askes if i can help her use the bathroom (wtf?)

i don't remember ever going with her into the bathroom, how we got into the bathtub, or how she got topless. i just remember comming to my senses and she was on top of me with top off making out with me in the bathtub.

Cool. i look to my left and there is a dude pissing in the toilet watching us do whatever the fuck we were doing in the bathtub? So what did i do? Closed the shower curtain.

So i come back down to the party and MisZ is missing. We look outside and she is hooking up with some dude. Ha nice. Anyways its pretty late and we decide to leave the party.

We stumble/walk/whatever to a street corner so one of Kelro's friends can pick us up. We head back home to CC.

On the way back everyone fucking passed the fuck out in the car, except me and FrenchBitchTits, how boring.

So we arrive back in my dorm room and C-Bear had to be home before 5am (remember she is still a youngen in the story, then again she will always be a youngen to me) so i take her home in Zamboni's car and get mcdonalds (drunk people's food heaven) along the way.

I eventually get back to my room and MisZ is sleeping in Snafu's bed, and Zamboni and AL are asleep on the futon. oh well im tired and just want to sleep.

That night i found out the futon in my room is extremely um, loud. As i start to fall asleep and close my eyes a very distinct noise begins to sound.

Squeak, Squeak, Squeak

Okay i think to myself, they are just getting comfortable.

SqueakSqueakSqueakSqueakSqueakSqueakSqueak, Squeak Squeak. Squeak

Silence... Haha i think to myself Zamboni is a one minute man

SqueakSqueakSqueakSqueakSqueakSqueakSqueak, Squeak Squeak. Squeak

damnit.

Quick thinkin comes to mind and i turn on every fan in the room and fall asleep.

Postscript: I never figured out the name of my hot nurse, i still refer to her as my hot nurse of Madison apparently AL told me i was in the bathroom with her for around 30 minutes.

AL and Zamboni dated soon after Madison night and broke up just recently.

4. The 4th Story Puke Bucket

Occurred: March 2005
Written: October 2006

So my buddy "pady" decides to visit up at my college (CC) for the first time. From hearing prior about his lightweight abilities i figure it would be not only fun to get him trashed, but also cheap.

Before he arrives i decide on the poison of choice...Yager! the thick cough syrupy liquid that tastes like black liquirish.

he walks up to my room. it was a wednesday or thursday night (yes i drank on weekdays, and still do) so i had to watch myself cause i had an 8am class the next day. does that mean i really watched my liquor? yes i did watch my liquor, i watched it go down my thoat and pady's in mass quantity.

we took about 6-8 yager bombs a piece. we weren't alone my ladyfriend "Grudgefan" took those bombs right along side of us. She's very impressive and one of the few girls i know that can actually keep up with me when it comes to drinking.

Anyways, after the 8th bomb or so Pady decides to go to sleep. lame. he didn't even puke. so i go to bed and wake up for my 8am feeling half-way shitty.

I come back to get yelled at by my next door neighbor "Smokey" saying that last night Pady crawled into his roomates bed and puked all over the floor near the bottom bunk (this made him mad because the bottom bunk had been offically made into the floor hotbox)

so what do i do? throw a towel over it. problem solved. i then talk to Pady who is still feeling like shit asking if he was okay:

[Me]: you feeling alright?
[Pady]: ya i puked out the 4th floor window though?
[Me]: ah shit, why did you do that?
[Pady]: because some big fucker saw me and decided to pick me up and spin me around.
[Me]: haha did anybody see you?
[Pady]: ya a small group of people and from it looked like they were with their families, they waived to me.

Needless to say, Pady blew chunks out the 4th floor window in front of a group of perspective students and their parents. Yes people who were checking out the college saw my buddy puke out the window, great first impresssion of a college don't you think?

i wonder if any of those kids actually considered comming to CC college.

Postscript: The puke that i covered with a towel stayed there in Smokey's room for about 3 weeks. They tried to clean it up but after 3 weeks it kind of just molded to the groud. We then brainstormed of how to fix this, and decided to put a rug over the puke-crusted floor towel.

Monday, October 02, 2006

3. The Marquette Golden Shower Story

Occurred: September 2006
Written: October 2006

Okay, so i will admit this year for parties is really kind of dry. So obviously this means i have to be explore to find more parties.

One of my friends "2drinksdrunk" suggests that i meet her up at Marquette. This seems like a good plan to me and its a chance for me to party in a place unfamiliar, which i like to do.

Immediatly i see that this could be a possible escapade i call up my two buddies "Rainman" and "Goldenboy." since none of them had prior plans they both are promtly in. i remember the phone convo with Goldenboy

[Me]: Hey dude whats up what are you up to tonight?
[Goldenboy]: Not much really, i have to work in the morning
[Me]: Wanna go to Marquette and party?
[Goldenboy]: Well, Ok.

So its around 10pm and both arrive to good ol CC. Goldenboy decides the best choice for him to drive due to work in the morning so we head up to Marquette.

Its pretty jumping once we get there, it takes forever to find a place to park. In my book thats a definate good thing. we eventually find a place to park and i call up 2drinksdrunk to see where in the hell she is amoung the madness.

We meet up with her on the corner of Kilborne and 16th street. Keep in mind we made the mistake of not pre-gaming so we are dead sober. 2drinksdrunk is already drunk and on the corner with some dude. When she gets drunk she gets mean.

[Me]: Hey how are the parties any of them good?
[2drinksdrunk]: Go Away
[Me]: okay bye

I mean don't get me wrong, 2drinksdrunk is a very nice and sweet person. Just not when she's drunk.

Oh well, So me Goldenboy and Rainman hit up the parties. The first party we go to is pretty crowded. We get in and we go down into the basement. Good god, it was like fuckin 200 degrees in there. I was able to get a beer, but then the keg went dry. How fuckin lame is that?

Our spirits weren't crushed, and i split my lukewarm shitty beer with Goldenboy and Rainman. and we searched for another party (there were like 20 parties going on)

The next party is a pretty good. Its an apartment party and its packed. but they still have an entire keg in. Me and Rainman do what we do best; stand by the keg and drink as much as we can.

yes, needless to say the keg went dry and probably 88.8% was probably because of me and Rainman.

The hosts of the party were great, as soon as the keg went dry they immediatly switched to serving hard alcohol. great hosts, most parties end when the keg(s) run out, but they were determined to keep it going.

i buy 3 shots of grey goose or as i like to refer to it as "the nectar of the gods"

Me, Goldenboy, and Rainman all take a shot

i buy another round of shots this time yager. all 3 of us promtly take them.

Me and Rainman decide it would be funny of we got Goldenboy fucking wasted, aren't we great friends?

i pay $2 for a solo cup filled half grey goose, half pucker, a nice combo in my book especially if the drink isn't for me.

As the night goes on me and Rainman promtly see that Goldenboy is failing as time passes. We find this highly amusing. I promtly buy Goldenboy another shot of goose so i quickly spring in to action

[Me]: (to a cute girl) hey wanna shot?
[Cutegirl]: yes ill take one
[Me]: aight ill give you one but you have to tell Goldenboy he's a pussy for not taking the shot i just bought him, its his first shot of the night and he chickend out
[Cutegirl]: haha okay.

Soon enough Goldenboy takes that shot like a bouncer at a bar and then Rainman pours another shot of goose into the vicious mix of pucker and goose that Goldenboy has been working on for like 2-3 hours.

So the time comes to leave. i know Goldenboy is going to vomit, its just a matter of time. so i ask the hosts for a plastic bag, or a few. they promtly find some and we head back to the car.

Goldenboy can't even walk straight, he's also talking at a very high level to random people. He knocks on a door shouting that there is a party, when there isn't.

We get to Goldenboy's car and me and Rainman look at each other. We are all pretty drunk, and we don't know which one of us should drive back to CC and Goldenboy is not an option.

I decide to drive. and its Rainman in the passenger seat and Goldenboy behind Rainman in the back seats. Goldenboy is puking out his intestines.

Goldenboy fills up an entire bag that we have to switch to the other one. he grabs the other bag and exclaims

[Goldenboy]: Thhere is a hoole inn diz one.
[Rainman]: here let me see (ties the bottom in a knot) see all fixed.

Rainman has to piss, so i hand him an empty gatorade bottle. He pees in it and tries to get Goldenboy to drink it saying it will make him feel better. I laugh.

about 30mins later Rainman has to pee again. and opens up the window. He starts peeing out the window, but the piss doesn't go out the window, it flies back in all over Goldenboy who its puking in the backseat. I laugh again, but the piss also smears up the back window if Goldenboy's car. so i can't see out the rear-view. Goldenboy got a golden shower from rainman.

We get back to CC and Goldenboy is puking in the parking lot. Security drives by and asks if he is okay. I tell him ya, he was just a dumbass and drank too much, the security guard laughs and says he's gotta learn sometime.

Goldenboy pukes for another 3 hours and finally passes out. i still don't know if he made it to work that morning. i doubt he's ever going to drink with me and Rainman again.

Postscript:

Goldenboy calls up Rainman being very pissed off about the piss all over his car, and in his backseat. Rainman tells me while Goldenboy was getting pissed on he just thought it was raining.

2. The first party.

Occurred: Sept 2004
Written: October 2006

Well it was the first weekend of college to me i go to (CC) college. and like other freshmen i wanted to check out the party scene. i didn't really know too many people but then again, it was my first weekend there.

Luckly Snafu one of my first friends here at college was luckly enough to score us a party. He asked his freshmen orientation leader if she knew of any parties. Being that she was attracted to him and wanted to fuck him, he was quickly got the info on the only party that night.

so we all pre-game a little bit at her dorm room. some shots of bacardi limon and such, (not my drink of choice but then again was a freshmen and had no booze, but you take what you can get) and we promptly left for the party.

We all hop into a small car, there are about 8 of us and im a small guy (5'5 125lbs) and let me tell you it was fucking cramped to fuckin shit in that car, but i was buzzing and didn't really care.

So half-way to the party a girl declares she has to piss, so we pull into some weird farm like kinda resembles the one from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and the girl fuckin pops a squat and pisses. Being the rather obnoxious doche sometime i decide it would be funny to turn on the brights, i guess it was only funny to me.


So we arrived to the party location which is known as "The Barn." i was appalled by the location. it was off a main street and we turned off onto this side-road and traveled what seemed like a mile. all of a sudden the trees cleared and i it was a huge yard and like a barn structure. amazing, no way in hell cops could find this place. it was so busy they had people directing traffic.

so i hop out of the car, and exchange numbers (yes the party was that big where you could lose people) and i decide i have to piss. i pomptly pissed on the car next to ours and head towards the keg.

My buzz is wearing off and im starting to get pissed. its like a 100 people trying to get at the keg. luckly the dude next to me had everclear, and was friendly enough to let me have some, and by some i mean a good 4 shots.

everclear fucks you up. fuck i only had one cup of beer and that was enough to give me the damn spins. so im fucking wasted. i met a bunch of new people, which i remember none of their names.

i blackout, or as i like to refer to it as "time travel". I'm dead drunk pissing on a tree, the funny thing is someone is helping me pee. so i come to my senses to a girl holding my penis and holding me up to pee, that is true hospitality.

but like they say for everything good that happens to you something bad has to happen too, so after i get done pissing i head back to the party (did i mention i was pissing like a good half a mile away from the party?)

i arrive back and some douche decides to laugh and tell me im wasted, i tell him well no shit sherlock, but im having more fun then you and that the girl holding my penis to pee is probably more action then you will get in your entire life.

i start chatting it up with a cute girl the conversation goes as follows

[Me]: hey so are you a freshmen too how do you like it so far?
[drunkgirl]: i like it a lot im so wasted though, hehe
[me]: really im wasted too my name is Angel Lust
[drunkgirl]: really? that's a cute name mine is BLAHHHHHHHHH

Yes, the "blah" was the closest thing to a word to replicate the sound of her puking on me. that's hot, not really. she puked right on the neck area of my shirt and i could fell the warm, strong alcoholic puke go down my shirt. i quickly took of my shirt and being the nice fresmen i was took care of the girl until some of the frat guys took over for me. I'm sure they probably fucked her.

The ride home consisted of people asking where my shirt was, and if i puked cause i smelled like it.

welcome to college.

1. The Intro

well, due to popular demand, and just sheer boredness i have decided to keep a blog of all my college stories since my freshmen year of college. granted im sure to forget some of them so those of you who remember any or see anything i left out, please feel free to let me know.

All names (including my own) are complete pseudonyms, or for the less grammar effecient, pseudonyms are nicknames.

welcome to my sharing of escapades with you, i hope you enjoy reading it hopefully this will help me remember all the things (stupid things) that i have done and experianced

-Angel Lust